So there was this horrible car crash a few days ago. We were driving around a long winding curve in an old 67 VW Bus, and I had just finished exhaling bong smoke into the mouth of the left head of the siamese twin midget wrestler that I had picked up in the last town, when from the back of the bus I heard screaming coming from underneath a pile of old leopard print thong underwear. I told the midget to grab the wheel, (the one that WASN'T high, obviously..I'm not reckless you know) and went to investigate. A few seconds of flying underwear revealed a large dog kennel containing 4 howler monkeys and a naked Shari Lewis look-alike. She was screaming because the howler monkeys were beating her about the head and shoulders with copies of the St. Louis white pages... I was just about to ask where the hell they got so many copies of one phone book, when the bus flipped over and exploded, killing us all instantly... Fucking midgets.

But seriously folks.

I've been caught up in a perpetual loop of early morning hours, having no job to go to or errands to run. My friends have done me the service of synchronizing their sleeping patterns so that at least one of them is up at all times, thus distracting me from ever getting to bed. What a bunch of fuckers. But their plans are soon to be foiled, for I have obtained (crescendo) a JOB .

I was hired on as a server / waiter / food bitch at a local french deli after my trial run this afternoon where I handed out tea and salads to various forms of yuppie scum and old ladies that all looked exactly the same, as though they were assembled in some enormous Granny Factory that churns out old women by the thousands in an ever pressing deadline to amass a geriatric army.

Apart from preparing myself for the days to come of slinging salad and french tarts, I have been ensnared by one of the most wonderful females I have ever met. The time we spend together brings me back to the state of mind I was in before I was ever hurt by anyone, and I believed in the basic goodness of human beings. Go her

And apart from that, nothing at all interesting has happened.