I feel like an intruder in my own mind. A stranger who has wandered in and decided to set up shop for a while and maybe flip some switches while he's poking around.

I keep getting images flashed in my brain that stay stuck to the backs of my eyelids like a sunspot. Depictions of people that I cherish and love suffering and alone. These images keep jaming their way into view, completely overpowering anything else I try to think about, like the huge, sweating, drunken redneck that is constantly slaming into you at a concert.

An inner voice keeps saying "Maybe you don't really love them. Maybe you're just fooling yourself. Maybe your whole fucking life is a self imposed imitation of bits and peices of movies, television shows and magazine ads, and this whole time you've been missing the point. Maybe you failed the exam, and now your fucked.

That's what it says.

Is this some kind of flash back? Did I pop my back in an odd way, releasing the caches of LSD stored in my spinal cord from the days when I ate the stuff like it was popcorn? If I had known that I'd be subjected to repeating mind-movies of my sister dying, trapped under a huge slab of concrete, I would have tattooed huge XXX's on my arms and called it a day years ago.

I really hope that this disorentation, disconnection, disasemblement, disarray, diseased-mind bullshit is a side effect of the antibiotics that I am taking and not some kind of mental breakdown.

Howdy folks, my name is Jeaves and I am freaking the fuck out!